Saturday, May 23, 2009

Why did you leave me? When did you leave me? Where was I when this happened?

Breaking up is painful. Perhaps one of the most painful experiences an individual can suffer. Often times in the days and weeks after a love break up all the signs become painfully clear. The tiny changes that you do not notice when you're still along with your ex stare you in the face when you're alone and thinking back. Aside from wallowing in self-pity or anger, you swim in alcohol or follow the path of destruction called "smoking" or pen down the things and later tear them off to recover from a heartbreak, at least temporarily. Until you realize that you  are just making your life hell by allowing these things to enter in your life. So you quit, but the pain still remains alive.

You do everything to forget the pain of having to let go of your partner after what seemed to be a thousand years of being together. You try to put yourself back together and learn to accept that things like this happen. But your mind refuse any co-ordination with your feelings. No matter how much you love your gal, she seems to make everything hard for you two. You know that no one loves your gal more than you do; however, in the end, you have to let her go.You have to face the fact that the relationship is not just working anymore.

You hate it that you’re now just one of the ex-boyfriends on your partner's list.
You sensed it when you were still together. Then again, you felt that her love was real and you were sure about your feelings, too. There were more good things than bad things in your relationship. You are a typically stubborn guy so you pursued the relationship even though your instincts told you otherwise. And finally one day,despite of your pain-taking attempts, your most dreaded fear became a reality!

And the journey of yours with "no-one-around" begins. You suddenly feel like not looking in mirror,because you refuse to accept that it will show you your losing face. You madly look at the cell again and again and carry it with you almost 24/7, hoping that she will call, but it never rings. You find yourself dialing only one number, no matter whom you want to call to.

Every little moment irritates you in a way that you literally don't sleep for days, even for weeks. You just don't care about what you wear, with whom you are talking, whether you had your lunch, whether you had pain, whether you cried for hours . Hell. Is this what you deserve for being honest in relationship?

How it can be so easy for someone just to throw you apart for materialistic things and to make you scattered for entire life? To make you emotionally killed that you won't even dare to utter that "Four letter word" for rest of your life?  Even after months of your break-up, you can't forget a single moment being shared. Can't this creature called GOD see you dying for nothing?

Why someone makes you pay for your honest things? Why can't you just ignore her and make-up with any girl around, specially when you have options and yes, now experience.
How many tears must you shed to cleanse yourself of her? Someone said Reality is a state of illusion. Therefore, reality couldn't possibly exist. So why did you think she was for real?

You rejoiced in her. What splendid, fascinating, and new things she brought to your stagnant life. For instance, she could talk for hours about you and her feelings for you. And now, months later you realized that she can even talk for hours "without" you and her feelings about you. But still you have no hard feelings about her. You can Never have them. May be because the one good thing she did was to doubt your capabilities, and it is sufficient for you to go beyond your boundaries to be a successful person in life, in every aspects. She will always be a strong reason for making your life both hell and heaven.

But all I can say is I used to treat those who did me wrong with disdain and nonacceptance  I was afraid that if I were to treat them nicely it would mean that I was giving them the 'go-ahead', 'thumbs-up', to hurt me again.

Little did I know that I was only reaffirming that their choice to hurt me to begin with was the right choice.

Thursday, May 21, 2009

The Corporate Culture!

1. Try to learn local languages, because no matter how many times you ask local folks here to speak in English, it's just a dog's tale that will never straighten up!

2. Keep at least one document/coding window open when you are doing FBing or doing any other TIME-PASS stuff. It will help you to switch the window, if in case, your manager tries to keep an eye on what you do. Trust me, no one really remembers what you do in busy schedule, but yes, no one will ever forget (at least till the time of appraisal!) what you do in free time!

3. Keep a coffee mug ready before you go to the team meeting. (Just in case you don't want to sleep). But if positive, the only place where you can sleep not caring about your manager, is the left seat beside him(though rest of the team will widely stare at you, but who cares?) :evil grin:

All I can say is team meeting is one of the best opportunities to sleep (Because even if you pay full attention to it, believe me, you will end up in the same state as you were before. So why take chances? ;))

4. Never ever judge a girl by her "cute and innocent look". And if you are a smoker, don't consider yourself smarter, IBM girls (or most of the corporate girls for that matter) can beat you anytime in sending out that dirty gases. (From the mouth, of course!). And consider your expenses if you have decided to marry one.

5. Don't curse your fate for not having beautiful faces in project. It really helps to concentrate on work (After-all, that's what we get paid for. Right?) And by the way, "You can always do your bird-watching during lunch time. Just don't expect anything else, most of the girls here are committed either to work or ..You know what I mean.. :)

6. The only thing you can do to prove yourself a "talented person(?)" in conference meeting is to SHUT YOUR MOUTH and be a good listener. Because so called senior members will "assume" that your are talented unless you dare to tell them what you have understood. One interesting time pass you can do in conference meeting is just try and focus on each and every word (mind you, only word, not it's technical meaning) they say in Japanese accent English, French accent English, Korean accent English n so on. Believe me, regular practice will make you accustomed to any English accent in the world.

7. No matter at what time you sleep at night, learn everything about your manager's office timing and please try to come at least 5 min before him, otherwise, I bet you will get that "you-are-good-for-nothing-I-will-throw-you-out" look. And yes, don't even stay for 5 more minutes after he leaves! Moral of the story? Let your manager realize that you come before him and work hard(?) till late at night (I actually work more than my working hours, but later I learned that it's  equally important to advertise your work . Business requirement, you see). 

Friday, May 15, 2009

Need or Greed ?

You have money, luxuries and everything you want, perhaps more than you deserve at the age of 22.
It has been said by someone, "If you really want to enjoy your life, forget the past and try to be in present". Well, but there come certain situations when you really need to sit back and think over the deeds that you had done to be in the present ! Struggle to achieve more and more in life and hallucination of being happy afterwords is not the person's nature. You may object, being greedy or not is in our hands. But if you can't distinguish between Need and Greed then may be it's  not your fault! 

From childhood, we always find ourselves struggling and the process is still going on, when we were in school, we were assured that once we get into a good college, life will get settled. Having accepted it as our elder's advice, you burn our asses and try to score maximum, entering into a good college. Were you satisfied? The process takes no longer time to repeat itself. In PUC, you do it to get into engineering or some other crap field, in engineering, you do it for campus and finally you find yourself in one of the best MNCs, does that end your struggle? No, It goes on until one fine day you find yourself in the grave yard. I agree, these are essential things in life and cut-throat competition has made them a need. But the way I changed from a very simple person to a "No-feeling-for-others" type of professional adroit was my need or greed? I would never be able to answer it. The world will crush you, if you are a good-hearten, emotional or sort of. No one  remembers you unless he/she wants you for some reason and it's a bitter truth. So just to protect ourselves, we need to put a mask of a cunning, diplomatic animal, though you strongly feel that it's against your principles. But the very feeling will never make you happy if you have changed for need and not for greed !