Sunday, April 1, 2012

The Marriage Interview

First of all,welcome to new followers (who, surprisingly, are all girls ;)). Renju, Sadaf, CD, Prerana, Kinara and Hypocrite and Sofy. I hope you people find this place good enough to pass the time. (If not, you can visit the "Money Back Guarantee Offer" section of this blog :P)

Coming back to post, Everybody around me is getting married. Why the heck should I care? Well, there is a concept of peer pressure and it sucks! I am the one who always opposed the arrange marriage concept. Unfortunately, nobody gives a damn about what I feel. Nowadays, my parents are all into this "Half-of-your-friends-are-married.You-have-got-a-proposal, so-there-is-no-harm-to-have-a-look-at-the-fucking-girl" thing. Ugh. I don't want to get married explains my parents' pressure. Out of at least 9 odd girls, I finally found (was forced to find) a decent looking girl so I told my parents that I am interested. (I now regret this decision). Family members of that girl came to meet me and I felt like I am taking an interview. 

G's Father Hello Manoj, finally nice to meet you. (Pointing at a 6'4'' hulk who was as dark as coal!) This is my son. (That caused suspicion, because this guy was very fair and his son was ..Umm...DARK. Did I complain?)
Asshole Manoj Hello sir, Nice to meet you too.
G's Father You look more handsome than your photos.

Asshole Manoj Thank you. (I hope same is the case with your daughter)

G's Father So, what do your parents do?
Asshole Manoj : None of your business jackass. Ask What do I do, instead.  Blah...%#3^&%^*^*%7%#$%$%
Brother And how much do you earn?
Asshole Manoj : (Enough to afford a beer can on a daily basis and if your sister drinks, I would be more than happy to buy her one as well!) #$%$%
G's father (Muttering to his son) : Now it's only ^%&% thousand/month. But his father is into real estate, so doesn't matter whether the boy earns or not.
Asshole Manoj : (Now that was humiliating. But looking at his son's size, I somehow managed to stay cool.) Sir actually, ... Never mind.
Brother We are getting a lot of proposals for our "Drishti", but we rejected all of them.
G's father : (Probably he understood my sarcastic smile) - Don't go by his looks. Our Drishti has my complexion. She is very pretty. You saw the photo, right? You "have" to like her. Everybody else did.
Asshole Manoj : (Do I have a choice?) - What qualities are you looking for?
G's father : Oh.. Yes. He should be rich, handsome, have a good family background, should be at least 5'9'', educated, must not have any bad habits, caring, should be able to cook as our Drishti cannot cook and we want a Nuclear family.
Asshole Manoj - (Muttering- Why don't you ask Superman to marry her? I mean think of it logically you fucking dreaming morons. How the hell will someone(that too working in an IT industry) be rich at the age of 24?) I understand.
Brother : Do you have any bad habits, Manoj?
Asshole Manoj : (And you expect an honest answer? I would give a LOL to it and look at you. You look like a serial rapist with a 12-inch dick that fucks around anybody who comes across his way. You don't even have the right to ask me that )  No. I believe in simple life. :P
(But I guess he didn't believe that)
Brother : I have spare time. You said you stay nearby. You mind if we go see your flat?
Asshole Manoj : (At least let me see you "pretty" sister's photo again. I may have to change my mind now) Hmm..Sure.
On the way to my flat, he asked me exactly 28 questions and when he was finally satisfied with all the details, he gave me that "I-found-a-Bakra-for-my-sister" look.

(Inside the flat)
Brother : Your flat is very nice. You stay alone? How much is the rent? Do you take money from your father? How do you manage to pay? 
Asshole Manoj : (Fuck you son of a bitch. Do hell with your sister. Leave me alone!) Thank you. Yes. Not much. No. I try.
Brother : One more thing, would you take off your clothes? It's just to make sure that you have no "body defects"!
Asshole Manoj : (You gotta be kidding me! - What next? Are you going to ask how large my penis is?) - (Silently Praying - GOD. Please. Don't let this hulk take my virginity. Any ugly girl on the planet would do. But not him. Please!) Sure.
Brother : (After a thorough examination) - You have a nice body. Good. (I didn't like his tone. I was about to pick an iron rod when he asked me to put back the clothes. Trust me, that was the happiest moment in my life!)
Brother : See, I like you. You meet all the qualities that we are looking for. Now if you are interested, we can take it further.
Asshole Manoj : (You think? Hell, Now I won't say yes even if your Drishti allows me to examine her "body defects") - Let me talk to my parents about it. 

P.S. (After the incident, the victim was in state of coma for next 2 days. The only good thing that happened from all this is now his parents don't force him about this marriage thingy. They realized it's much better to let their son take his own time rather than some black guy raping him in his own room)

P.S.2 - This article sucked to the core (At least I feel so). Am I losing my grasp on comedy articles? :(