Sunday, April 1, 2012

The Marriage Interview


First of all,welcome to new followers (who, surprisingly, are all girls ;)). Renju, Sadaf, CD, Prerana, Kinara and Hypocrite and Sofy. I hope you people find this place good enough to pass the time. (If not, you can visit the "Money Back Guarantee Offer" section of this blog :P)


Coming back to post, Everybody around me is getting married. Why the heck should I care? Well, there is a concept of peer pressure and it sucks! I am the one who always opposed the arrange marriage concept. Unfortunately, nobody gives a damn about what I feel. Nowadays, my parents are all into this "Half-of-your-friends-are-married.You-have-got-a-proposal, so-there-is-no-harm-to-have-a-look-at-the-fucking-girl" thing. Ugh. I don't want to get married explains my parents' pressure. Out of at least 9 odd girls, I finally found (was forced to find) a decent looking girl so I told my parents that I am interested. (I now regret this decision). Family members of that girl came to meet me and I felt like I am taking an interview. 


G's Father Hello Manoj, finally nice to meet you. (Pointing at a 6'4'' hulk who was as dark as coal!) This is my son. (That caused suspicion, because this guy was very fair and his son was ..Umm...DARK. Did I complain?)
Asshole Manoj Hello sir, Nice to meet you too.
G's Father You look more handsome than your photos.

Asshole Manoj Thank you. (I hope same is the case with your daughter)

G's Father So, what do your parents do?
Asshole Manoj : None of your business jackass. Ask What do I do, instead.  Blah...%#3^&%^*^*%7%#$%$%
Brother And how much do you earn?
Asshole Manoj : (Enough to afford a beer can on a daily basis and if your sister drinks, I would be more than happy to buy her one as well!) #$%$%
G's father (Muttering to his son) : Now it's only ^%&% thousand/month. But his father is into real estate, so doesn't matter whether the boy earns or not.
Asshole Manoj : (Now that was humiliating. But looking at his son's size, I somehow managed to stay cool.) Sir actually, ... Never mind.
Brother We are getting a lot of proposals for our "Drishti", but we rejected all of them.
G's father : (Probably he understood my sarcastic smile) - Don't go by his looks. Our Drishti has my complexion. She is very pretty. You saw the photo, right? You "have" to like her. Everybody else did.
Asshole Manoj : (Do I have a choice?) - What qualities are you looking for?
G's father : Oh.. Yes. He should be rich, handsome, have a good family background, should be at least 5'9'', educated, must not have any bad habits, caring, should be able to cook as our Drishti cannot cook and we want a Nuclear family.
Asshole Manoj - (Muttering- Why don't you ask Superman to marry her? I mean think of it logically you fucking dreaming morons. How the hell will someone(that too working in an IT industry) be rich at the age of 24?) I understand.
Brother : Do you have any bad habits, Manoj?
Asshole Manoj : (And you expect an honest answer? I would give a LOL to it and look at you. You look like a serial rapist with a 12-inch dick that fucks around anybody who comes across his way. You don't even have the right to ask me that )  No. I believe in simple life. :P
(But I guess he didn't believe that)
Brother : I have spare time. You said you stay nearby. You mind if we go see your flat?
Asshole Manoj : (At least let me see you "pretty" sister's photo again. I may have to change my mind now) Hmm..Sure.
On the way to my flat, he asked me exactly 28 questions and when he was finally satisfied with all the details, he gave me that "I-found-a-Bakra-for-my-sister" look.


(Inside the flat)
Brother : Your flat is very nice. You stay alone? How much is the rent? Do you take money from your father? How do you manage to pay? 
Asshole Manoj : (Fuck you son of a bitch. Do hell with your sister. Leave me alone!) Thank you. Yes. Not much. No. I try.
Brother : One more thing, would you take off your clothes? It's just to make sure that you have no "body defects"!
Asshole Manoj : (You gotta be kidding me! - What next? Are you going to ask how large my penis is?) - (Silently Praying - GOD. Please. Don't let this hulk take my virginity. Any ugly girl on the planet would do. But not him. Please!) Sure.
Brother : (After a thorough examination) - You have a nice body. Good. (I didn't like his tone. I was about to pick an iron rod when he asked me to put back the clothes. Trust me, that was the happiest moment in my life!)
Brother : See, I like you. You meet all the qualities that we are looking for. Now if you are interested, we can take it further.
Asshole Manoj : (You think? Hell, Now I won't say yes even if your Drishti allows me to examine her "body defects") - Let me talk to my parents about it. 


P.S. (After the incident, the victim was in state of coma for next 2 days. The only good thing that happened from all this is now his parents don't force him about this marriage thingy. They realized it's much better to let their son take his own time rather than some black guy raping him in his own room)


P.S.2 - This article sucked to the core (At least I feel so). Am I losing my grasp on comedy articles? :(

21 comments:

  1. Body defects? WHAAAAAAT!?! I almost died man. I SWEAR I DID. xD This is hilarious. I'm going to advise all my bachelor brothers against families ala our very own Drishti xD Flat, rent, income everything was about okay, until it came to the end =D And no, not really. This was pretty good. I remember this instance from Two States and also one which happened to someone I know, the girl got asked if she was "Pure" -.- Vague hint at the virginity @*#&@( what are they looking for, ghee? o.O

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  2. Oh.. Thanks! Feels good. I couldn't just come up with right punches so was worried :) And the sad part is, my parents are not against love marriage and still, I am going through this torture :D Yeah, She said "If there was a exam for virginity, I would't have topped it"! ;)

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  3. Thank you for the welcome and I thought you were paying because we are reading :/ Never mind. Not interested in the offer mentioned above.

    About the post :

    hahahaha.......OMG! Drishti's dad actually asked if you could cook! I thought this was only an exaggeration! And his brother-
    He asked you to take your clothes off and you did it :O :O

    haha...for your P.S. and you turned out to be a lucky guy :D
    And for P.S.2 No, it did not suck! Leave it for us to decide if it was good or not. It was HILARIOUS!

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  4. WHAT THE HELL!!! SACHI???? Hahhahahaha...

    I have all my sympathies for you boy. :P

    And don't worry about the post. It was really good with some shockingly hilarious parts. :D :-)

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  5. OMG!! Not you too. Atleast wait until I get married na. If Lohith backs out realizing what a demented creature I am, whom will I go to? :D

    Now the post,
    1. You look more handsome than your pictures? Send me those pictures please, I seek proof :D
    2. I hope your sister is too? You were expected the sister to be handsome? Dude, I did not know that me getting committed would rattle you up so much :)
    3. Why the hell did you take them to your flat? Pagal hai kya?
    4. He ACTUALLY asked you to take off your clothes? Even if he did. You obliged? Are you freaking crazy? :O
    5. Next time directly meet the girl and not the family.

    If you want help let me know, I shall come with you to see the girl. Mere saath dekhege toh pakka shaadi karegi :P

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  6. @CD - :P Nope, he did! Well, actually, even if I had resisted, he could have easily done it without my permission. So it's better to co-operate in such situations. Oh,you think so that it was hilarious? Thank you soo much <3

    @Mirage - Thank u , thank u :D

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  7. @Soumya - You will just do fine with him. I know. Don't worry about it. :)
    1. I don't have a soft copy! Gimme your address in Accra :D
    2. Looks are the first thing you care about, when it comes to arrange marriage :D And besides, you left me with no choice but to move on :P
    3. He asked me. And he knew my flat is just 10 mins away. How am I supposed to say NO? :(
    4. I have no "defects" to hide :D And you haven't seen that monster. Trust me, I did the right thing by obligating! ;)
    5. You think there is going to be a next time? :S Forget this shit, I know my parents won't irritate me about it now. And you cannot just directly meet the girl. These people follow some procedure :(

    Ha beta, tujhe leke jaunga to ho gayi meri shadi :P
    I hope you are doing well. tc. :)

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  8. Thank you so much for the welcome. It's fun reading your blog.

    And about the post- Shit! I mean body defects are you SERIOUS? That's humiliating. Damn I can't believe you did that. :p
    I'm glad you didn't say yes :D


    This is classic. :D

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  9. @Hypocrite : Hey, you are welcome :D and thanks for the compliment! And life makes us do things that we haven't even dreamed of :( The girl lost me just because of her brother :P

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  10. MY God Mr stranger..!!! So wen's the big day? :P ;) LOL..You take off ur clothes??? Come on ..go and find a nice girl and bring her to mama and papa..at least u dont have to go through some freaking guy that attempts rape on innocent man :p

    P.S:Nice to see u at my blog after longggggggg time

    P.P.S: you are still good with comedy piece :)

    Take care :)

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  11. OMG are u shitting with me dude???? THIS IS EPIC!!!!!!

    AWESOME!!!! KAMAALLLL!!! loved it and reallyyy enjoyed reading it :p

    was her bro gay or something???? I mean seriously who does that??? Asking ur hone-wala-behan-ka-shor to take off his
    clothes for BODY DEFECT inspection is just soooo..... Buwhahahahahahahahahahahahah rofl :p

    P.S hoi wese sai bhao baho wali hai tmhre sath ;) every dog has its day!!! ;)

    P.S.S here's the link to the post :p
    http://alizakhan.blogspot.com/2012/02/mystical-illusions.html

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  12. Aliza jee :D I am not shitting. I did it in the morning :P Thank u thank u for the lovely comment. You really made my day ;) <3. Yoo..Thanks for the url..Will now check it :)

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  13. This is freakin hilarious!!

    It's 1 in the morning. Im at office, damn boring here. I shared the link with all my bachelor colleagues and trust me they all are laughing....

    Loved it man!!!

    even most of my friends r getting married. Marriages are the flavour of season.

    :) :)

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  14. @Prasoon - Hey, welcome, welcome :) Thanks for stopping by! Glad you found it funny :D It means a lot buddy! ;) And yes, thanks for the follow up as well :)

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  15. Wao!!Mindblowing...ROFL...gr8 pass time :-)

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  16. @Neha - Hey, First of all, welcome :) And thanks for stopping by :D

    @Guju guju baba - Thanks buddy ;)

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  17. Nice post. Okay, I am your latest follower and I am NOT a girl!

    For one who doesn't want to get married you sure had the 100% wrong attitude for marriage. The answers should have been something like,

    "Bad habits? No, not at all uncle. But you know these days, drinking a little bit and partying with friends is not really considered bad habit, hai na?"

    "Yes, I pay the rent all by myself, except sometimes when I lose my salary in gambling with my colleagues then my dad is happy to help me out. I mean, bro, who knew that India would lose to Bangladesh, am I right?"

    And so on and so forth... ;)

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  18. Hey, Welcome buddy.. :) Thank you thank you :D
    Haha...First thought on the same line as you for replying, but later disagreed with the idea.. What if he tell all this to my parents? :S
    And I will make modification as per your suggestions ;)

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  19. although i am very late in reading this blogpost but still..
    first of all,i feel i wouldnt be needing any of your money back guarantee offer,you have an amazing sense of humor and i loved reading your blogpost!

    Secondly,this post was so hilarious.I was literally laughing when i read that body defects part..oh my god..does this kind of thing happen in a marrige interview??i wonder..

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  20. Prerana jee.. better late than never.. thank you for your feedback :D it really means a lot :D And you won't imagine what all happens in an "arrange marriage" concept ;)

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